However, one day, when in they go home together from city center in, the vehicle of Mo Lin in horse cubes always keeps Hu the silence seen frequently less. When car arrives the domestic entrance of Mo Lin, Mo Lin tells horse cubes, they concern this, have said that have waved to wave , turn round and go. Horse cubes a fog returns into home, can not believe that the matter that occurs just now is fact. Short few days in, he has fallen into in deeply depression. It has a few months , horse cubes are very painful , although consider again and again, but can not guess always is what reason the love that makes him Lv have left him unexpectedly. He lets to say loudly: " she why do not tell me early?I am not to say that she has no right to cut off friendship with me. Though say when have contacted with so for a long time afterwards, to accept her leaving , it is not the matter that one is easy. I love her!What make me sorry is that she the way of parting; She has so swung to swing arms , at this point head also does not return land have gone , a sentence that even links explanation land words, discuss to also have no a minute ofly, this just let me feel really sorrily!So long as she tells me why will leave me, I may accept land!This kind of her movement lets me be embarrassed too. Say that is true, it is big that I have lived , have no yet picture current such painful error. I always ask self constantly: After all I make what, or have said some what, make her unexpectedly for me so unique feelings. However, she never tell me. I have written well some of letters to her , ask her to give me a reason, but sound message has no all."
Now, we put the experienceABCPattern in. We makeASome love gets thisCPoint"It is"Cause him to beBPoint forASome opinion of matter. We hope, when we narrate matter for you what reason the depression that has caused horse cubes at the same time, reader can realize that we are psychological as carrying out to consult , its purpose lies in to let horse cubes know: Love gets setback, no what may fear. " he sorry " or " depression"At most also only is he for is baffled on the matter of opposite sex, the opinion that is filled with non reason is had dismissed. This kind of invalid assumption stays over in his brain, always wave do not go. After having known this, we now come carefully to see , after all horse cubes whenBWhen counting , have told self some what , cause him to be such and sorry and is depressed. When horse cubes have known the reason in which, and also know why he for love is baffled opinion is not reasonable, is also invalid afterwards, we can suggest horse cubes to adopt what rational viewpoint in order to replace him, do not conform with rational thought formerly. Horse cubes have the following opinion of a few for the way of being used to treat him, especially Mo Lin and being baffled in Mo Lin:
1."I should be not refused , especially refuse me with this kind of way, because this has proved that I have what place to be wrong unusual. So, I do not match at the beginning with book, talk about love with her. Now, no matter I try hard so, my possibility can't also seek forever picture her so good girl."
2."If I am so true that can't help having attraction and also having ability, this kind of matter is impossible to occur. I this time is baffled , as well as before me, have to divorce , have proved that I do not match to win , and holding together my genuine love get the love of opposite sex."
3."It has ill feeling!She has not told me reason , has left"
4."I do not also emit! "
5."I am also impossible to meet a girl like Mo Lin again , am willing to accept me at the beginning , and hold together with me picture I and Mo Lin this relation. And eye, if I have lost happiness, so I alive still have what meaning? "
Hold his opinions since horse cubes are dead do not put , also do not be easy to overcome white therefore Ji serious low mood. He refusal Ran the companion that seeks other. Because his depression, his career and social life also get serious influence. It can not be recovered that his friend sees him to get stuck in pain, go gradually from him, and horse cubes conclude more, more because people have lost interest for self that self is a useless person. He thinks picture the idiot as him, is impossible to enjoy intimate relation again with any person forever.
We use"Rational", look closely at these invalid inferences consistently
Horse cubes think that?If you had been refused!Is not?No any legal or rule strip stipulates you, should not get refusal. If have this kind of law, that you will not get setback. Once you force matter should how to how to, or not should how to how to, you are equivalent to being sending a order , this assigned world must be acted according to your order , must not be disobeied. Since taking the charge of who among us, also have no this ability , want this world to act according to our intention, so, we have to be actual somewhat , accept this restriction, and will we are so called"Should"And"Not"Throw
Moreover, horse cubes break because Mo Lin is only the work style of special trip, it is indignant to not give him any explanation unexpectedly , break off the movement of relation with him to feel. Now, this is also the inference of one-sided horse cubes only, he thinks that there is what place by oneself surely to be wrong , have to be away from table, in other words merely his inference of individual just. The relation between them can finish with this kind of way , possible is Mo Lin thinks that does not tell horse cubes reason, it will be better for him; And straightforward as land make a clean break , it can be strong surely to explain lengthily. If think deeply from this angle, her movement possibility considers very much for opposite side land. But is because of horse the low setback of cubes tolerates degree(Can not bear), he has not considered her silence, possibility happens since she has set up place land for opposite side land feelings makes tentative idea. Is unduly humble since he is that land trend, very easily, suppose that he is to have commited mistake surely, and his weakness is also recognized by Mo Lin. In fact, Mo Lin may be also because the reason of her is decided , break off exchange with him. If it is so, the reason that matter occurs has no relation for the weakness that cubes claim by oneself with horse. However, let us suppose Mo Lin when when this decision, really, have not considered for opposite side. We think , borrow this incident , may let all see that the reason that time occurs is that they most fear land again, however, love gets setback(Or any let them), at most, it is also the matter"Terrible". More moreover, if we pass again without difficulty, we may also suppose that Mo Lin refuses that with horse, cubes continue the reason of association, really happen his shortcoming; The woman who has changed others can also have identical movement. We also not Fang suppose again: Horse cubes are immutable always , insist that he is correct forever for the view of matter, and other persons include Mo Lin, is wrong in totally completely. If this some inference is set up , we may know therefore perhaps why Mo Lin will use this kind of way to break off her association with horse cubes.
First, ask you to notice that horse cubes never deny that Mo Lin has to break off the right of contacting with between them. What he insists is that it does not be spoken that Mo Lin has no right what words, stop being flatly and his association. In fact, he is this kind of to insist , is equivalent to telling self:"Once my girl friend has left! "Casting aside it first get do not join?If horse cubes agree that Mo Lin has the right termination relation between them, actually, he can not speak logic more , accepting her also have , terminate the right of doing businese with him under the condition of not inform reason?Mo Lin when before departure he first will reason road happens , whether can make him go well somewhat have not been major focal point. Genuine problem lies in: Whether Mo Lin has duty really, will leave his reason to reveal everything?Or we enlarge the scope of discussion again, is some: We?Is natural, if opposite side puts forward reasonable explanation for its behavior, and also put forward for the work style that they act arbitrarily to join suitable apology , matter has well a lot of meetings; However, actually, there is what rule, stipulating them is not as this make cannot?
The life of horse cubes is because he and other hundreds of persons are the same, in heart, storing have , do not conform with rational opinion. They think other persons must so as fair simultaneously specific way treat him. If otherwise, it is thorough that matter goes bad. If you requirement others so as is fair treat you with sympathy, and according to their behavior, put forward reasonable explanation to you, that you may be regular to be disappointed!Quilt person Jia-Zhu difficult and inconvenient time, ask the explanation of opposite side , will not absolutely have unfavourable influence for your individual; And often stand with calm and firm attitude for the interests of self to body , when can win the respect of opposite side more. However ask opposite side to think you the thing that they owe you returns you, not only for yourself, no benefit also still brings injury very probably.
Horse cubes the second mistake commited is he has supposed that Mo Lin terminates have proved with his continued association that his certain criminal cubes what is unusual and wrong. However, we for this kind of assumption take a dim view. Our assumption is: Mutual relation is terminated , because Mo Lin discovers that horse cubes can not bear the opinion of others with objective attitude , and can not also accept her. This has proved his side actually"Mistake"?Not!It proves , it is also- -He can not tolerate- -This for Mo Lin, or is any other females may Zeng a kind of personality that is hard to also accept. However, the trend that is hard to accept will not become one about making you change may Zeng person. A popular support his trend is not a same matter. You are impossible to judge the grade of a person with reasonable way, because it is not reasonable to wait all for the comment of person. You can only shine at most the system of some value, is for the behavior of this person , character comment. A person may have only a kind of external value in the foresight of others, this kind of value is many and Gua, have to decide in accordance with his action. However the value of the intrinsic of a person, or claim you in the value in own eye , but do not measure in accordance with any external standard. So, if horse cubes just have this kind of not Zhang personality, also he can not accept others objectively, he may still accept self as well as own criminal, is wrong as taking off; And, once this kind of trend that he has known self , he may borrow self land effort dismisses it. He is helpful to get the favor of other females in the future with great efforts. Since " rational mood therapy"Angle come to see this matter , we do not have in the personality of a person some trend that not for person liked , condemn him. It is opposite, we can accept this person unconditionally , and encourage him so as do not have self condemnation land more foresight comes to see self. Because we believe that are only so, he that have flaw land personality and behavior just have is possible as having been changed.
Now, we come again to see the''Attractive and capable,". This is a kind of"It is attractive", will not be?Natural!Really"It is attractive", the opportunity that you are refused may lose some but absolutely little possibilities to be never refused. Come down then, horse cubes take him this experience and the incident divorced before him do comparison, and to have drawn a conclusion by oneself , say his two failures, is sufficient to prove that self can not win the favor of opposite sex liked by oneself. This is one"Transition"Absolutely good example. He rely on what, alone with appointment and the two failure experiences on marriage, cover Ran judgment this matter of self in courtship finishes do not be all right completely?Former failure has proved at most however that he can not maintain his relation with companion continuity in former experience. He and not because have failed before, one has no is place; And former failure also does not signify that he can not maintain harmonious long relation with others forever in the following time. On the value and attitude that helps him to see clearly self, may say that is to have no to help benefit. He has no hair to rely on this kind of view , change his idea of self defeat, is also impossible to develop better interpersonal relations with it for foundation stone.
We now shift"Can not bear"Matter goes up. It is obvious,"It is"Way treat , and it is gone to that this matter inside most! "She should! "In is this incident the point that lets him be angry. We when above have seen, this world foundation has no what, is fair and not fair , or should not should wait for any thing. Change sentence words to say , it has no duty at all, think with you"It is!
Horse"Also do not", have exposed , also come from in him can not accept self, tolerate degree with his low setback. We point out to horse cubes to see, after he has gone through this failure, if since then, would not emit again to suffer the danger of setback , after some day, the most possible situation is also self-admiring at most , is impossible to find again a companion that suits him more. The of life is a kind of adventure, world has no any guarantee. Horse cubes see at last still, fear if he can not overcome forever is baffled dread, he has also broken off actually to get the hope of the favor of opposite sex.
The next judgment of horse cubes is that he is also impossible to be accepted by the woman that one can compare with with Mo Lin additionally forever. This is also a assumption and conclusion without basis. Is natural, if horse cubes because of the cause of fear, have broken off risky idea since then , do not seek the possible candidate of substitute Mo Lin, his opportunity is very little naturally. Do not match by oneself if horse cubes also think to seek again with the favor of lovely girl as former female friend, he for self this one opinion has also nearly guaranteed that he is impossible to succeed , because even if discrepantance occurs good impression for him, also meeting because of him for self this kind of view, turn keep out of way 3 houses. Needs notes point: If you find out by people, it is dangerous as being refused to have no courage to accept , they will go voluntarily from you.
Horse cubes overcome the dissatisfaction for self constantly , comprehend his bearing at last and can not represent his person. He has known his praiseworthy speech American trip and can not make him become a good person, all the same, in his behavior bearing if have the place of what slip or insufficient perfect, also do not make him become a bad person. He is also a ordinary person who has some good trends and some undesirable tendencies at most only: And sometimes, expression has to be very capable , but also does not deserve to be flattered sometimes. When horse cubes beginning accepts self really, and stop condemning self because of past failure afterwards, he is for Mo Lin gradually with him break off diplomatic relations this matter has adopted a view with more reason, now he have believed: " Mo Lin has refused me, it is too unfortunate really , and I also hope really that she has no to so do; However, she has made , so I again can Nai she is what!Perhaps, I may try again to seek her next week again, anyway no matter result how to, I have no loss. If she tells me, say that is impossible to return to absolutely between us is good, or she talks at all with me for refusal, so, I also as before Nai why not she. However, this also and not is world doomsday!Though, I do not like this kind of experience, however, I can bear surely. If she does not want to recover the relation between us really, I seek other opposite sex again. Even if I receive to resist 99 women, it also still has hundredth position always. From this part words that horse cubes think of finally, you may see to reach , his attitude has had got the change of 180 degrees, think that self may still find another one to suit own companion. He has not only changed former not rational view on the level of heart wisdom, and having also believed us thoroughly teach , that conforms with rational truth more , and has also prepared , act to depend on to follow these truthes: On the one hand, "adventure" occurs the relation on feelings with opposite sex , has also accepted on the other hand " have forever again is baffled possibility ".
Horse cubes ask for religion in us this time , make his bandit of gain advantage shallow. In which, a great factor vegetarian meal is: He has got the own ability of absolute acceptance. He has ability to return beyond the limit, go to see his relation between Mo Lin , and recognize that she has been a very good companion. But at the same time, have also accepted a kind of opinion: In his life, may still arise another companion surely; And he and this companion also possible establishment is also good, it is even better to concern. Now he, when doing not already reproach, the behavior of companion turns and so says sincerely for self: " do not love mily that woman really is outstanding for my meaning, in however, she leaves me or with me become friend land with her with this time the bearing of words and deeds have no relation; But there is larger possibility, is she feels can not accept my words and deeds bearing. I recognize that I can not bear the conflict between us, and when I disagree on her view, my attitude looks rude , makes her feel that is embarrassed. Now, I have known own shortcoming , and recognize without reservation. I will do everything to change my attitude , and act with with more constructionness and more positive attitude. " so, horse cubes begin to think back of the failure reason when he gets along with Mo Lin as well as former wife , and be regard as his future to meet and learning challenge, instead of the fearful scene that one makes him depressed. In the guidance of this kind, our purpose is to help visit person to put forward a problem , then under discussion make him be no longer sorry. A but visit goal that person sets for reaching us, when he meets any problem in the future, mood goes up is improper and possible to reduce the most light degree that arrives.
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